


I'll Be So Blue

by broadwayblainey



Series: Blue Christmas [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 19:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13197303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadwayblainey/pseuds/broadwayblainey
Summary: Kurt and Blaine have a heart to heart and learn more about each other.





	I'll Be So Blue

Kurt woke up in Brian's bed again, this time with Blaine sound asleep on his side next to him, his hand in a fist next to Kurt's arm. Brian wasn't there, he had spent the night with a new guy he was seeing and, despite the extra room in the double bed, Kurt's body was stiff from sleep and being curled in on himself. He sat up, carefully so he wouldn't wake Blaine, and stretched his arms out to his side. He thought to himself for a second; what did he need most, food or the bathroom?  
Peeing won so he slid out of bed and made his way to the bathroom in the room next to Brian's. The apartment was freezing, there was still no heat, and Kurt immediately regretted not wearing something thicker than the t-shirt and sweatpants he had slept in. After washing his hands he decided to clean his teeth, not wanting to subject Blaine to his morning breath.  
He looked at his reflection in the mirror after swilling his mouth out, looked at his face and into his own eyes. Tired, he thought, and his face seemed older than it had been the last time he looked, like he was aging too quickly. He would probably start sprouting grey hairs and develop an aversion to technology soon. God, he was turning into his dad. The realisation struck him with a pang of guilt; he was starting to feel like maybe he never should have left Ohio. He didn't know where the tears came from, but there they were, spilling down onto his cheeks suddenly and dripping off of his chin. Kurt tried to dry his eyes with the towel AJ had given him, but they just kept coming. Loudly, too, his breath kept catching in his throat and huffing out. After standing there and sobbing for a few minutes, there was a tapping on the door behind him.  
"Kurt," It was Blaine, lovely Blaine, and his voice was concerned. "Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine," he lied and didn't even convince himself.  
"You're not," Blaine said. "Can I come in?"  
"Yeah," he tried to dry his face again but, as he wiped the tears away, new ones took their place so he just gave up and cried.  
"Oh, Kurt," Blaine sighed, he stood next to him and put his arm around his shoulder, squeezing him close to him. "What happened?"  
"I don't know, I can't stop," Kurt said, gripping the rim of the sink to steady himself.   
"It's okay. You'll be alright," Blaine whispered, rubbing his open palm over Kurt's back.  
"No, I won't."  
"You will, I promise."  
"You don't know that," Kurt said, his whole body shaking. Blaine took his hand. "I don't know what's wrong with me."  
"Nothing is wrong with you," Blaine said quietly, stroking his thumb across the back of Kurt's hand. "You're going through a hard time."  
"I want it to stop," Kurt admitted, and he knew he sounded like a child but he couldn't help it. "I want everything to stop."  
"I know," Blaine told him. "This will get easier," he tucked Kurt's hair out of his face and ran his thumb over his cheekbone, holding his face in place until Kurt looked at him. He sobbed again. "I know," he repeated.  
"You know?" Kurt asked, the sobs kept coming, he tried to stop them but they just got worse.  
"I do, yes, I promise," Blaine murmured and he was so close to Kurt he could feel his breath on his face. He was always so warm, so warm that Kurt wanted to lean into him.  
"Okay," Kurt said quietly.   
He wasn't sure if he believed Blaine but he really wanted to. Or needed to. He sat down against the bath, his legs were shaking violently and that felt like the safest option. Blaine joined him, sliding down and wriggling in next to him. Kurt tried to calm himself, he took more deep breaths and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened his eyes more tears welled up in them so when Blaine opened his arms, he leaned into them. They sat quietly on the unforgiving tiles in silence, Blaine rubbed his back slowly and his sobs quietened.  
"I'm so sorry," he whispered and Blaine shushed him.  
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said and wiped Kurt's wet cheeks dry with the sleeve of his sweater.   
"I just, I don't know what I should be doing," he admitted and sat up. "I don't know," he said pathetically, crying again. He hated being like this in front of someone.  
"I get it," Blaine squeezed him closer. "Believe me, I get it."  
"You do?" Kurt asked, sucking in stuttering gasps.  
"Yes, I do," he told him. Kurt wanted to ask how but couldn't, so just raised an eyebrow and hoped Blaine would understand. He did. "I -" he started and sighed. "I've had days that I thought I couldn't possibly get through, but I did. You will, too," Kurt rested his head against Blaine's chest and didn't say anything, just tried to slow his breathing and listen to Blaine's voice. "When my parent's kicked me out I had no idea what to do. And then when my brother died I -"  
"What?" Kurt asked, sitting up again and waiting for Blaine to meet his eyes. When he did he looked sad.  
"Yeah," he said. "Cooper, my older brother, died when I was in high school. And I dropped out, went a little crazy," he huffed out an awkward laugh. "Like, my big brother had killed himself and I didn't know how to deal with that so I just -"  
"He killed himself?" Kurt interrupted. Blaine nodded and looked away from Kurt. "Is that why you're being like this with me?" Blaine wouldn't look at him. He didn't know what to say, he felt uneasy for some reason. "Do you feel like you have to make up for something? Or replace something? Because you don't and I'm not -"  
"That's not what I'm doing," Blaine interrupted this time. He looked back at Kurt finally. "If someone had taken the time to speak to my brother that day, instead of just walking around him, maybe he would still be here," he tried to explain. "I've thought about that every day since he died," he was pulling at a thread on the knee of Kurt's sweatpants idly. "I never would have forgiven myself if I let another family think about the same thing."  
Kurt rested his head on Blaine's chest again. It was quiet for a few minutes; for the first time in weeks, everything felt still. Kurt could hear the people upstairs banging around above them and the shower was dripping. It all seemed quite far away, the only thing he could focus on was the sound of Blaine's heartbeat in his ear. He rubbed his cheek slightly against the softness of Blaine's sweater and realised that he was a little more broken than he had first thought, and that was both comforting and awful at the same time. Maybe finding comfort in someone being as lost as him made him a bad person but, that was something to think about another day. For now, he just wrapped an arm around Blaine's waist until Kurt was holding him as much as Blaine was holding Kurt.  
"I'm sorry," he murmured quietly after another moment of stillness.  
"It's okay," Blaine said, just as quiet. Kurt peered up at him.  
"It's not, though, is it?"  
"No," he agreed and brushed his fingers through Kurt's bedhead. He leaned in closer and whispered "Gets easier, though," as if it was a secret just for them. Kurt believed him more this time and Blaine bent his neck so his forehead touched Kurt's. A small grin was pulling at his lips, and he was looking more like the Blaine Kurt had come to know. "I'm taking you out tomorrow."  
"Oh, really?" Kurt quirked an eyebrow. "Where?"  
"Somewhere I used to go when I first moved here," he was tracing patterns on Kurt's back with his fingers. "I used to go there when I felt, well, like you're feeling," he said, leaning back so he could look at Kurt properly. "I've never taken anyone there before, but I don't think I need it anymore. So, you can have it, if you want it."  
Kurt stared at him. He seemed to be unable to stop staring at him.   
"That sounds nice."  
"It will be," Blaine promised, any trace of solemness vanishing as quickly as it appeared. "Tomorrow, though. Right now, it's time for breakfast. Come on," he said, letting go of Kurt and heaving himself up onto his feet with a groan. "You have to woo me with bacon before I take you anywhere."  
"Oh, are we going on a date, Blaine?" he teased.  
"Oh, Kurt," he sighed loudly and called over his shoulder. "If we were dating, you'd know it."


End file.
